


Breathe it in and Let it Out

by DefLeppardFan13



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom, Starbomb, The Northern Hues
Genre: Air Conditioning, Apartment Life, Breakups, Dark, F/M, Long, Love, Oneshot, Poor, Recreational Drug Use, Weed, lengthy, light - Freeform, pot, stoner, urban living
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 17:33:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4530876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefLeppardFan13/pseuds/DefLeppardFan13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and his girlfriend are one moment happily in their loft apartment enjoying the haze and lazy days. That is, until Dan realizes there's maybe more than that waiting for them in the real world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe it in and Let it Out

"Daaaannn!" you whine.

"What baby? I'm sorry it's like a sauna!" Dan threw up his hands as he laid on his back next to you. Usually you both were curled up into the other and making sure to breathe in the other's air. Tonight? No. Tonight the only thing there was a worry about was both of you on either side of the bed, the fan whirring, and sweat pouring from both of your bodies. The air conditioner had busted inside the loft apartment you and Dan had been renting for a year now. Dan had just put it in a day ago and it seemed like the world was against you. It stalled out and neither of you really knew how to fix it, but instead of gathering up some sort of funding to call someone, you both suffered.

"How in the hell are we going to survive? I mean dude, it is like almost combustion levels in here!" you sat up feeling your skin slightly separate from the mattress. You flicked the baby blue lighter you grabbed off the end table and lit a cigarette. Dan huffed and sat up making a motion for you to share.

"Babe, look," he gently took the fag from your sweaty hands and took a hit, "we have literally nothing on, nothing to fucking spend, nothing to really make that doesn't involve heat," smoke appeared to fall from his mouth as he spoke. Dan exhaled the rest and handed the cig back to you so you could ash it, "but I gotta say, and I'm gonna sound fucking lame, I'd rather implode and drown in my own sweat with you and literally no one else right now. Can we just, less complaining, more appreciating? Please?" Dan ruffled the back of his hair as he waited while you thought. Another drag in and the thoughts came out.

"Ya know what Dan?" you looked to your naked, sweaty, miserably hot boyfriend. He raised his eyebrows confused.

"What?" he looked to your eyes for a hint on whether this was going to turn into a fuck or fight situation. Secretly a fight was less hot for him at this point.

"That was lame," you said quickly with a chuckle. You ash the cigarette and hand it back to him, but continue on as he smirks at you. "Yet, I love your lameness, and I love your optimism. Yeah, it is very hard that this is all happening," you motion around the bedroom. The blinds had been broken from a huge fight a long time ago, the paint on the walls was discolored, nicotine and sex made up for the aroma, and the mattress that you both called a bed, it was forever in the same spot, on the hard floor. Dan nodded looking down taking another drag. He felt bad when you talked like this. It made him feel like he could never give you enough. Sure his band The Northern Hues did a gig on the weekends, but the rent was almost always so close to the deadline. "But you are right, baby, we do have the other. I'd never ask for anything better, unless you were in on it!" You finished even though his head had wandered off obviously as you watched his head snap back to you.

"I-I'm glad, [Y/N]. I just, for once fucking second our lives were a smidgen better. This piece of shit, well it wasn't until earlier, was a luxury!" Dan motioned to the A/C that almost mocked his attempt at creating a slightly better place for you and him. He handed you the butt and watched you snuff it in the ashtray before going on. "Baby, I try, I try really hard for you to live less and less like a burnout like me. I totally wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, and wonder why in the hell do you even stay? Come on! Look at this! We live in a dump, we-we barely get by! I'm the 'hey I'm in a band and it's gonna go places soon' asshole! Like, you mention better with me, and I just," Dan sighed and laid his hot head in his clammy hands. You knew he needed to be comforted and scooted closer to him. You touched his slimy back with your sweaty fingers. They ran up to brush his mane out of his face so he'd look at you.

"You ask me all the time that. I stay because I love you, Danny. Baby," it was your turn to sigh, "we are in this together. Until we are a part of this horrific place and unable to breathe anymore, we are in this! You're trying, and I love the band, and you're not an asshole! Everyone you meet loves you, I did! I loved you at first sight!" You tried to reassure him and it worked a little. Dan nodded listening and trying to take it all in that things would work. You let him work through whatever he was going to try and say in reply as you reached over for a thinner, flat, black box. You placed it on your lap and opened it up as Dan spoke.

"It's ya know? Totally hard to believe that this is what we have only to show for. I feel like you work your ass off! I feel like I sing my heart out, and no one gives a shit." Dan ranted quietly as you broke up a stickier green nugget over the lid of the box. You used to cardboard covering of the rolling papers to form a line that was nice and neat. You knew Dan was going to spaz, and you knew this was a way to let him work through it with no harm. "I want us to look back and say we fucking made it! I want you to wake up and be proud of who I am and where we've come!" Dan leaned his head on your shoulder for a moment as he kept speaking. His hair was soaked with sweat and you knew him making this gesture was beyond feeling gross anymore. You worked your magic and rolled the joint still listening to him go on. "I want more than a mattress on the floor with you in a shitty loft. I want your eyes to sparkle again and you look stunning in a new outfit or over a candle lit home cooked meal! Shit, baby, say something!" Dan shifted taking his head back and looked into your eyes.

You went to light the joint but stopped due to Dan snatching it from you. You never had this happen before. Usually when you light up he smiles and takes a large hit and you both enjoy a nice shotgun. Dan now was staring at the small object in his much larger hand shaking his head slowly.

"What is it?" You gently put the weed box aside and scooted to sit in front of him. His breathing was slow, but his eyes were just locked onto the joint. It was a new thing you still were trying to decipher as he just sat quietly. Your eyes wandered to the rest of him. His fuzzy chest lifted slightly as he breathed, the sweat from his hair dripped on his shoulders and some had run down his long arms. The skin under his elbows was slightly pink from him just resting his arms on his knees. When you looked back to his face he was watching you observe him.

"Why do we do this?" Dan had flipped the J standing upright between his three fingers. You looked to the gesture and back at him with a weird face. The confusion levels were heightening.

"It helps us relax, baby; you know this." You casually replied with a shrug. Dan looked to it and back to your face.

"Does it? I mean, really, do you feel a better change even it's totally gone?" Dan challenged. You blinked at him suddenly forgetting about the heat, and the entire conversation you guys were trying to have. You locked on to the joint as he still held it, waiting for an answer.

"I feel fine after, I mean usually you do as well." Your eyes glanced to him quickly before returning to the task at hand. Dan's jaw clinched as he bore into your eyes.

"Do I? Because I totally still remember all the bullshit we have to deal with. How about you? What? Do you smoke and then just ignore it?" Dan's face was slowly growing into a more serious one. You never seen it before and were sort of annoyed by it. You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose before rolling your eyes looking back to him.

"No, Daniel. I don't. I just don't feel as pressured as all. What the hell are you getting at?" you now matched his features as Dan shook his head with a grin that was not showing he was suddenly okay.

"We smoke this shit, so we forget, right? Well I'll totally let you in on it, I don't. Ever. I literally sit here and vegetate myself with you until we either fuck or pass out. When we wake up, same fucking shit, and eventually, which is like now for me, shit piles on my mind where I know for a fact, that this," Dan shoved the joint closer to your face as he got louder, "is not helping me, any-the fuck- more!" Dan's volume raising was enough to make you flinch. He never hit you, he never screamed unless you were being ridiculous and he knew it, he never was a person to act out. He saw your reaction and kept his face still meaning every word. You carefully to the joint, but couldn't until you ended up with half. Dan jerked his hand still holding on to it ripping your work in half.

"DAN WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? WHEN THE HELL DO YOU SUDDENLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT," you motioned aggressively to the piles of bills and mail laying on the coffee table in the other room, "THIS SHIT? WHEN DID YOU START FUCKING THINKING THAT IT'S THE GODDAMN POT HOLDING US BACK! IT'S NOT DAN, IT'S OUR LUCK! WE HAVE SHITTY LUCK DANIEL!" Your outburst was more trying to hide that you were really looking forward to sweating to death but not caring at all about it. Dan blinked at you building up to a rage. You locked a challenging gaze on him thinking of any comeback you may need. Dan bit his lip and let it pop before coming back.

"YOU KNOW WHY WE HAVE SHITTY LUCK, [Y/N]?! BECAUSE WE MAKE OUR LIVES JUST A HAZE OF DREAMS! FUCKING SHIT, IT BUILDS AROUND US IN A WALL, MAN AND THEN I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO PULL MY HEAD OUT OF MY ASS AND TRY JUST ENOUGH UNTIL THE HAZE CAN BE OKAY TO DWELL IN! I WANT CHANGE, BABE! WOULDN'T YOU WANT THAT AS WELL? FUCK INSTEAD OF THE GRAM WE SUPPOSEDLY NEEDED WE COULD HAVE FIXED THE GODDAMN AIR CONDITIONER! YET NO, WE'RE SO OBSESSED WITH MAKING SURE WE DON'T TAKE RESPONSIBLILTY FOR OUR ACTIONS WE ENDED UP HIDING IN HAZE AGAIN! I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! I FUCKING JUST CAN'T KEEP DEPENDING ON TOMORROW'S AND LUCK! I WANNA MAKE MY OWN LUCK WORK OUT, I WANNA MAKE MY OWN GODDAMN TOMORROW FEEL LESS LIKE A FUCKING NIGHTMARE, DON'T YOU?" Dan was almost sobbing as he asked you. It close to a begging to do something better with your lives with him. You couldn't grasp it. These passing two years you both made ends meet and seemed so happy. So why now? Why did he suddenly feel like becoming a righteous man? You scoffed at the entire theory on his luck changing idea and shook your head.

"You're wrong." You said nonchalantly. Dan's jaw dropped, but you spoke more. "You're so fucking wrong. Ya know, we did this, for two goddamn, crazy years! We built this life, and I love this life of freedom and love with you! Sure you could get a real job. Not one where you are the reason we fear tomorrow or whatever, you could totally just give in that maybe you're just not a rockstar Dan. It's okay, I'm okay with accepting it! Baby, we smoke to clear our minds, I mean look at you. You're freaking out over all the bullshit out of our hands right now! We didn't know the damn air was going to bust! If we had an idea, I'm sure we could have just gotten a half gram huh? Danny we're gonna be fine. I promise we'll make it okay?" You made a move for the two halves of the joint and planned to re-roll it. Dan shut up quickly as he looked away from you.

"Yeah, I'm sorry baby, I just, I needed to spaz, okay?" Dan's weary voice and shrug meant he was over it. You smiled, oblivious to him still thinking deeper, as you went back to creating another work of art. Dan returned to sitting next to you as you sparked up the security blanket in both of your lives. You choked on the smoke as Dan took the joint reluctantly. He hit it like he always did and coughed as well.

"S-Seee, babe? You're gonna be okay, we're gonna be okay, we got this, okay?" You said with still some struggle from the weed. Dan looked down still haven't met your eyes and nodded with a hurting smile.

"Kay." He mumbled feeling the familiar haze coming back to hold you both tight. You both passed the joint between you guys until it was just a roach. Dan snuffed it carefully out of habit and left it by where you had set the weed box.

"I love you, baby." You mumbled as your high had to forgetting it all. Tension was evaporating while the drugs worked their own magic. You gently pulled Dan's lips to yours and started the next part right on schedule. Dan replied robotically as his tongue wrestled yours. Your head swam as always mixing weed with love as you and Dan rocked the other's world forgetting once again about reality for another night.

Morning

You shoved your face under another pillow as the sun ruined your sleep.

"Ugh, fuck, Dan? Can you tell the sun to give me five more?" you playfully whined. After waiting about a minute you didn't even feel Dan stir. Usually he was aware when you spoke. You huffed into the mattress trying to wonder how he slept so well this morning. "Babe? Did you like die on me?" you spoke louder but was sounding muffled as you kept your head hidden. After another moment of silence your hand then explored for him on his side of the bed. It came up empty and this caused you to finally raise up. He usually slept or lounged around until you woke up, but you shrugged and figured he was in another room.

Your head told you to go look for him oddly as you walked out of the bedroom in nothing on wondering where he could be. The emptiness and silent replies as you called out for him made you try to think back if he seemed funny after his episode. You knew when he was upset he'd either just be in another part of the apartment or he'd go jam with the guys. You shrugged unsure of what you were to do with yourself now since he seemed to have left you for a free day. You decided to go smoke half a J, knowing leaving the rest for Dan because he smoked whenever he came home, before showering and deciding to plan to surprise him with a clean house when he came back.

You were grabbing clothes and a towel that you shared when something caught your eye on the beat up, old, wooden vanity mirror near where you kept small keepsakes from yours and Dan's adventures. It suddenly dawned on you that it was bare but left was a smaller piece of notebook paper folded up by the first picture of you both. You guys had gone to a huge party after a show and someone snapped it randomly the night you said yes to being with him. You padded over to unfold the page before you seeing at first Dan's handwriting. It wasn't until reading it, is when not even the haze would be enough for these sort of emotions.

It read: _My dearest [Y/N],_

_Words cannot express how horrible I feel to do this, but something needed to be said or done. I took it into my own hands and heart to save us. We will never feel alive together and in the same go around. Trust me, if I totally had another way, this would not be happening, and I know you know I'd be damned before I'd go here. I love you so much, and sometimes the hardest decisions are the best ones to make. As much as you are unsure and unaware, I promise you'll see! I swore to myself as I watched your gorgeous body lay quiet and sound this morning that I cried knowing this was going to have to be it. This is it, honestly. This is me changing our luck for each other. You deserve to have light brought upon this and see that we both needed to face it. I know it's going to hurt, and god does it hurt to write this knowing you're going to break down. I rolled a last one for you hidden somewhere. You'll find it when you need it most and I assure you, cause I smoked before I left, you're gonna. I wish you the best in life and I hope to god somehow the universe will let us find each other in a better understanding than now. You will never be forgotten, and I hope you in time will understand. Take care of yourself, as we venture out to make our changes, now._

_With all of me,_

_Danny._

The shaking, the silence, and the rattling of the paper as you froze there taking in the tragic moment. Dan was gone. The day has come where he did the one thing he swore to never do. He left. With him, you'd never knew, but he took your heart with him. As the dam burst open in your mind, the wail of a heartbroken girl was heard through the complex. No one could have seen it coming, and you sank to the floor not even wanting the joint you knew was in the bathroom. He knew you'd attempt to make your day about him. He wasn't even around and knew exactly how this was going to go. You unwillingly sobbed into the letter just trying to hold on to the one last part of Dan he left. It was the hardest thing you'd ever witnessed and the most real feelings ever felt. In a way you thanked him for the push, but felt helpless now unable to shove.


End file.
